With the Olympics all around it’s all about winning. They are about being first, being best and going for gold. It’s something that also lives in me. A heart to be a winner, to be seen, to be first. And don’t we all wanna be winners, going for the gold medal?

This heart, longing to be a winner, made it hard for me to look at my life now and find that I’m losing. These last months I’ve been losing more than before. I lost my dreams. I lost my home. I lost my relationship. I lost my self and my selfworth. I lost the strength to fight for things in life I so wanted. I lost the will to go on. I lost my joy and real laughter. I lost vision and my future. I even lost the mentality to be a winner. I didn’t even care. I felt lost and a loser. And sometimes I still so.

But in the losing, I’m losing morex85.
I’m losing my pride. I’m losing my critism on people acting weak. I’m losing being judgemental. I’m losing thinking highly of myself. I’m losing the urge to put myself above others. I’m losing fear. I’m losing ways of religion. I’m losing rules which I wrote for myself. I’m losing to try and always act strong. I’m losing being able to act like someone I am not.

And I believe I had to lose, to find something greater. Something of way more worth.
I had to lose to win.
I had to lose to win an open mind.
I had to lose to win grace for others.
I had to lose to win freedom.
I had to lose to win a new heart.
I had to lose to win a new chance.
I had to lose to see God.

LOSING became WINNING for me.
Losing brought me treasures which I wouldn’t have gain in winning alone.
I’ve learned way more for life by this lost.
Three things I didn’t lose: Faith, Hope and Love.
They kept me. God kept me.

And again I’m crazily surprised how Gods Words are always the other way around.
They sound weird at fiirst. But they are so true in the long run.
Which is good because: Life is not a sprint, but a marathon!
I so hope I will run this marathon the right way….